No Results Returned for Cunt
by Gill Lambert
‘Sorry, there were no results returned for “cunt”
– please check your spelling, or try something less specific.’
Okay, let’s have an arse, and a massive pair of sagging balls,
if the owner of such could be looking at the artist,
much the better. That’s right; give us your best ‘up yours’ face,
I’ve already caused offence once today, may as well ‘ keep it up’,
(oops, there I go again.) I’m all for adapting but I’d rather not
have to change to satisfy the minority. Especially when
that section of my audience laughed at blacked-up twats
on seventies Saturday nights. Or likes a bit of slap n tickle
with a young bit of stuff, but won’t make love to their wives.
Paul Angliss a comedy writer, screenwriter and not entirely reliant on online Autofill forms. He has performed stand-up at The Comedy Store, won the Rizla ‘Roll Your Own’ short film competition; written a TV sitcom with the director of The Day Today; and taken his play, ‘Planet of the Apes – the Dolly Grip’s Cut’ to the Edinburgh Fringe. He has also written comedy sketches for Radio 4. He is now trying to interest a publisher or agent in taking on his latest mystery comedy novel called 'The Investigations of the Para-Usual'. You can follow him at @bangtheories
Here, Paul shares an extract from his book, Sperm and Eggs.
Men are now from Venus, women from Mars… or they may as well be. Sexually speaking, the planets are realigning. Here is a compelling radical contention that sperm dictates the behaviour of their host, men; while eggs determine that of women.
Sperm and Eggs is ‘Everything you wanted to ask about sex but were afraid to know.’
The ebook edition of Sperm & Eggs is available to buy via:
Nat Brat is an erotic writer, living in Gold coast Queensland
(Trigger warning. Nat's post contains reference to sexual violence.)
Janine Pounder is a Misanthrope, Writer and, London-based Whore-Enthusiast. She has released unto us lucky folk the first chapter of her debut novel, In Search of The Main Stream.
“Andrew embarks out on a journey to find his estranged son Liam. Only to quickly become immersed within the world of freelance sex work. Where they become entwiend by events that are anything but main stream. In Search, aims to explore the nuisances of life, sex and gender for the contemporary male sex worker.
New instalments released in short stories every four weeks .
Read full first chapter here
Thomas Stewart is a young fiction writer, essayist, and poet. He regularly features in Litro Magazine, Ink, Sweat & Tears, Storgy, The Stockholm Review and many others. His debut poetry pamphlet is soon to launch and you can follow him on twitter here.
"“Nobody wanted Masked Man. One editor essentially told me to go into the bathroom and scrub my mouth out. ‘This is porn!’ he exclaimed. It was the use of the word ‘porn’ that irked me. A simple one word could trivialise my work, reduce it down to something smutty, best forgotten and never address in polite company‘
It’s pornographic yes, but not porn.’ In a world, so very obsessed with sex, I find it humorous that people are still scared of it.
They speak in codes. Huddled forbidden whispers of, ‘You know…s-ex’ –like a teacher would jump out the page and cane them for their thoughts. Masked Man is a sex story, but is about disguises and curiosities. Sex as a means of fulfilment, as a way of gathering meaning and the hidden games we play."
Read full short story here
Ms Strange is a sneaky poet, who’s notoriously avoidant of online profiles. Appearing in sporadic bursts every ten years, she quickly melts back to the shadowy dream scape, from which she arose. Lucy has kindly submitted to us here, her piece simply titled “Grime 09””
“Grime is about mismatched lust, glorious magical lies that fuel toxic relationships, and the sorrow found when we accept the stark reality, that psychopaths make fun, but very poor playmates... Our grime, was no man’s grime, but skin and dirt”
Read the full poem here